


As You Are

by valammar



Series: Sing With Me [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - Various Authors, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Body Positivity, Body Worship, Chubby Inquisitor, Consensual Sex, Cullenlingus, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, NSFW Art, Plus Size Inquisitor, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content, Vaginal Fingering, Weight Issues, Woman on Top, plus sized inquisitor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:57:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valammar/pseuds/valammar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neb Trevelyan expresses a lack of confidence in her body to Cullen. Sometimes, what we need is a little reassurance. NOW WITH ART!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Neb awoke at first light after an unrestful sleep. She sat up, taking care not to jostle the mattress and wake Cullen – who was, by the blessings of the Maker, still fast asleep. As she draped her feet over the side of the bed she turned to stare at him. Having just returned yesterday from an elongated expedition in the Western Approach, she felt more refreshed just by looking at him. She drank him in: on his back, one arm draped across his chest, the other bent above his head. The blanket was pulled down beneath his naval, so she could see the jut of his hipbones and the taut expanse of his stomach…

…Which caused her to look down at her own, feeling a pang of guilt at the sight of it. Wide, dimpled thighs pressed against the sides of her nightdress. She pushed her hands against her bulging abdomen, poking her fingers inward to feel the generous give of flesh, yearning for even a hint of muscle.

 After giving a heavy sigh, she felt a dip in the mattress behind her as a third arm wrapped around her. Cullen pulled her back down on the bed against him to place a kiss on her shoulder blade.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

“No, it’s nothing,” Neb said, relaxing inside his firm embrace. She could feel the flex of his sword-skilled arms underneath her fleshy ones as he gave her another loving squeeze.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes, it’s just…”

“…It’s just…?”

“Cullen, does my body bother you?”

His arm retreated from her waist as he sat up to look at her, his eyebrows raised in confusion. “Maker, of course not! What brought this on?”

Neb shrugged.

“Have I done – or said – anything to make you feel this way?” She caught the hurt look on his face when he began applying reassuring strokes to her upper thigh and she flinched from his touch. _Dammit_.

“No, no. I suppose I never felt an abundance of confidence in my body, but in the Circle it wasn’t something I thought about much, either. Not until…”

“…Until…?”

“Well, while camping at an oasis in the Western Approach, Cassandra, Sera and I went to bathe…” Communal bathing was nothing new. The Circle featured group baths and traveling for the Inquisition was no different. Yet she recalled catching a glimpse of Cassandra that day; a powerful warrior, her every lean muscle rippling underneath her skin like a wildcat as she gracefully waded into the water and Neb suddenly felt an enhanced self-awareness. “I looked at Cassandra and she was just so strong and…” Then she remembered Sera, her diminutive frame was lithe and limber, capable of performing impressive acrobatic maneuvers. “Sera’s body is just so… _streamlined_.”

Cullen gave a light snort. “’Streamlined’? You make her sound like a new carriage.”

“Don’t laugh! You know what I mean.”

“I apologize. Please, love, continue.”

“Well…then I looked down at _my_ body and I just felt…”

“Exquisite? Magnificent? Mesmerizing?”

Neb blushed. “No. Inadequate. Insecure. … _Fat_.” She hissed the word with such disdain that it was clear she'd come to associate with it negatively.

"I see," was all Cullen could say before she spoke again.

"Cullen, I'm not a warrior. I'm not like Cassandra. Or _you._ " Sitting up, she gestured toward him. "Yet I'm expected to lead. What do people want to see when they meet the Inquisitor? They want to see _strength_. They need to be _inspired_. How can I inspire starving villagers when I look like some plump do-nothing who spends more time lounging while gorging on pastries down to every fastidious crumb?" She sighed. "I devoted my life to healing magic. I expected to spend the rest of my days in the Circle clinic, tending to the wounded and the infirm. And in that oasis, I missed it. I missed the Circle. I wanted to hide my body underneath my old robes and live behind those walls again." 

Hanging her head, she felt his calloused palm cup her cheek and she met his gaze. His expression was soft and saddened. "How can you think _anyone_ could see you as anything other than strong?" he asked.

"I don't know, I don't know anymore," her voice cracked as she held back the tightening pang of sobs in her throat. First she felt guilt over her body, then she felt guilt over bringing this up in the first place and _now_ she felt guilt over just how guilty she felt.

"Do you want to know how I first saw you?" Cullen asked. When she didn't reply, he continued. "I'd spent years in the aftermath of the Mage Rebellion in Kirkwall. I had just ventured over the Waking Sea with war worn Templars and soldiers and before long the sky was torn open. After seeing nothing but chaos, despair and decay, suddenly, there you were.  Like a beacon, you glowed; a pillaring flame teeming with warmth and light. Where I only saw death, you were _life_. And you were _breathtaking_."

He leaned in to press a delicate kiss to her forehead, speaking softly. "You _are_ a healer. That is your strength, Neb. You restore hope. The villagers see your kindness, hear your honeyed voice and remember the compassion you showed when you listened to their pleas. You leave them with fuller stomachs and fuller hearts, and though you can't hear it, the villagers will say, 'Did you see? That was the Inquisitor! And she's _beautiful_.'"

Now it was _her_ turn to scoff. "They do not!"

"They do so! I've heard it from returning soldiers in the barracks. They say, 'I hear the Commander has stolen her heart.'" He surprised her by pulling her back down onto the bed so she was flush against him, his facial hair leaving red marks as he nuzzled her neck.

" _Stop_."

"'What a lucky man, that Commander is!' And I am. Truly." He spoke with such sincerity that Neb felt almost ashamed to ask.

"And if we were to get married, you'd like having a fat wife?"

He gave a deliciously low chuckle. "If we were to get married, I'd like having _you_ as my wife. As you are. Is that so hard to believe?"

"…I suppose not." Neb had to admit, his encouraging words _did_ help to improve her mood. For the time being, at least. She knew that she would need to practice taking them to heart outside of this bed if she were to banish these nagging thoughts for good.

"Perhaps I haven't made my adulation apparent enough," he said, rising above her to greet her mouth with a kiss. "Would my lady, gracious and beautiful, allow me to provide her with a demonstration?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

Neb had to admit, despite her insecurities, the weeks without feeling Cullen’s touch in the Western Approach were agonizing. The way he was looking at her now, all mischief in those smoldering amber eyes, excited her. He _wanted_ her.

“She would,” she replied. “Demonstrate away.” He hummed in approval as he kissed her harder this time, tracing one hand down her arm to lace his fingers through hers.   

Placing tender kisses along her jawline and down to her earlobe, he gave her another nuzzle. “To ensure that there is never any future confusion regarding my feelings, my lady, I intend to provide a very _thorough_ demonstration.”

He continued lavishing kisses down the column of her throat, sweeping his tongue across her clavicles, leaving a wet trail that cooled in the morning air and made her shiver. He journeyed downward, layering slow, hot kisses to the tops of her breasts. Settling between her legs he began lifting her nightdress, tantalizingly slow, his fingers tickling up her thighs, teasing past the soft, moist curls between her legs (she rarely wore smalls in her sleep) and tenderly brushing across her stomach.

“Mmm,” he hummed, hungrily scanning her lower body after pushing her nightdress just under the curve of her breasts. “What could one possibly find inadequate about you?”

“My fingers, for one.” She held up her hands.

“These fingers?” He reached for them, gently taking her wrists between his palms.

“They’re short. Stubby.”

“I adore these fingers.” He closed his eyes, taking each pad to his lips, applying pillowy kisses one by one. “The way they run through my hair.” Kiss. “The way they dig into my shoulders.” Kiss. “The way they rub your face when you wake in the morning, making your skin glow. These fingers are so beautiful.” He teased her last thumb with a flick of his tongue before planting a kiss there.

“And my arms. They’re not firm like Cassandra’s, or even Vivienne’s.”

“These arms…” He trailed tender pecks down her right forearm and up her bicep. “These arms are my favorite. They’re the part of you I miss most when you’re away.” And again, on her left arm. “Maker, how I love being in your arms.”

“Cullen, _stop_!” She blushed. It was almost too much to hear him faun over her like this.

“My lady, is my demonstration unsatisfactory so far?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…”

“Do you want to stop?”

“I…no. Forget it. I’m sorry. Please…don’t stop.”

He touched her palm to his lips. “As my lady wishes.”

He leaned into her, deepening his kisses and she could feel the delectable pressure from his hard cock pushing at her core, straining through his breeches. She cupped her hands against the sides of his face when his tongue swept across her lower lip, loving the juxtaposition of rough stubble and fine, silken locks as she tangled her fingers into his hair.

Breaking their kiss, he returned his attention to her nightdress. Cullen pulled her up and she lifted her arms so he could remove it completely. He threw it to the ground with a sensual _moan_ as her breasts spilled free. Laying back against the pillows, she was now completely exposed to him. No, she was not Cassandra, nor Sera. She was abundant curves; a meaty stomach, wide thighs and round, shapely hips. But the way he _ogled_ her…

“ _Maker’s breath_ ,” he whispered. “You are…” He lunged forward to capture a pert nipple in his mouth and she keened at his searing licks. “You are glorious.” He yanked her hips, pressing her core flush against his still-clothed length. “Superlative.” He had her gasping, toying her nipple with his teeth. “Divine.”

“Cullen-!”

“Tell me you want me.”

“I…Maker, Cullen-”

“ _Please_.”

She had never heard him so eager before. “Maker, I… Yes, Cullen. I want you – I _need_ you!”

He rose to press a hard kiss on her lips before moving down past her breasts, settling on his stomach and pulling her thighs over each of his defined shoulders. Neb had barely enough time to anticipate his next move before he took her to his mouth. She gripped the blankets, panting his name and prayers to the Maker, tossing her head from side to side as each sublime roll of his tongue sent waves of pleasure through her. She could feel the flex of his hips grinding into the bed in time while sucking and licking at her clit.

“I love you, Neb,” he said, slotting a finger into her, making her squirm.  He crawled up to suckle and tease at her breasts, inserting a second finger and crooking them upward until she was writhing and incoherent. As he drove into her his other hand sought her clit and she nearly fainted from the sensation. Cullen’s rough thumb rubbed against her in the same circling motion as his superb tongue around her nipple; fast, faster, tight, tighter, _tighter_ , until-

“ _Cullen!_ ” Neb gasped as she trembled, hearing the _roar_ he made while watching her ride out her climax. She opened her eyes when she felt Cullen stand up to make quick work of his breeches and shivered at the sight of him. Svelte and statuesque, his thick cock jutting from between his legs making her swoon.

He was on top of her again, bathing her cheeks in chaste kisses. “How do you feel, my lady?”

“Glorious. Superlative. Divine.”

He rumbled with a low chuckle. “I’m glad,” he said, lovingly massaging small circles against her abdomen with his thumbs.

Suddenly, she gave a small yelp as Cullen swiftly flipped onto his back, swinging her on top of him so she straddled his hips. “Ride me,” he rasped. “I want to see you.” With her hands on his toned chest, Neb could feel the rapid fluttering behind his ribs.

“Your heart’s beating so fast.”

“You have that effect on me.” He smiled, biting his lower lip between his teeth.

 _That_ did it. Looking at Cullen, panting, pupils dilated, morning hair mussed, his body tense with need – need for _her_ – she felt her sense of inadequacy dissipate. It was she, Neb Trevelyan, Herald and Circle mage, who had the gorgeous Commander of the Inquisition’s forces pleading between her thighs, begging to worship her ample body. And there was nothing in this moment that made her feel undesirable.

She grabbed his hard cock, hot and heavy in her hand, the excitement sending a surge of juices from her as she descended onto him. “ _Yes_ ,” he hissed and she gasped at the delightful burn of her stretching around him, enveloping him deeper and deeper. She rolled her hips forward and began to rock against him with a steady momentum, reveling in the feel of his chiseled body underneath hers.

“You are _so_ beautiful,” he spoke with reverence. “I love seeing you like this.” He rubbed his hands across her stomach, caressing underneath her breasts, down to her hips and rested them on her thighs. _These thighs_. She leaned forward, changing the angle so he filled her deliciously, his cock hitting so deep within her that it ripped a groan from both of them. Cullen clutched her legs tighter, throwing his head back in rapture and Neb suddenly felt a sense of pride at the thought that _she_ had this effect on him. These dimpled thighs were able to grip this powerful, beautiful man beneath her and _hold him down_ while she took her pleasure from him. With each thrilling grind of her hips – _these round hips_ – she drew another grunt or blissful hum out of him. It was almost too much, like they were on a wave, teetering precariously close to the edge.

She felt that familiar pressure at her core coiling tighter. Rocking her hips faster, she brought herself to another climax and _wailed_ as her slick walls convulsed around him. She had barely come down from her high when Cullen lunged forward and pulled her against him, their bodies slick with sweat. Bending his knees, he pushed her thighs wider apart. He began to pound into her as his fingers squeezed her backside. He was so strong, pumping with such hard, short thrusts that she thought her vision might go black from ecstasy.

“Cullen, I’m-!“ Her third climax shuddered through her, making her cry out.  Her lover soon followed, sealing his mouth over hers and spilling into her with a carnal growl. They lay against each other in a comfortable silence while Cullen tenderly stroked her back, both of them basking in the afterglow. Eventually, she used what little strength she had left to push off of him and back onto the bed. She relished the cool mountain air tingling across her flushed physique.

“Was that an adequate demonstration, my lady?” he asked, running his hand across the curve of her waist. Even when they weren’t making love, he always wanted to touch her, caress her.

Neb hummed in approval. “It was perfect.”              

“There are no doubts about my unyielding adoration for you?”

She shook her head. “None.” She paused. “Thank you – for earlier. For listening.”

“There’s no need for thanks. You know you can always come to me when something troubles you, don’t you?” The way he _smiled_ at her then: adoringly, as if he were a wayward soul who finally found salvation. She _was_ a pillaring flame. She was beauty and health – full, soft, welcoming – where he felt decrepit and ailing; his eyes sunken from a decade of poor sleep and his body worn and weathered from convulsive nightmares. He ran his fingers through her chestnut hair, brushing the sweat-soaked tendrils away from her face with care. They were each what the other needed.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too.”

“As you are.”

“As you are.”

With that, three uplifting words became six. They peppered each other with kisses, repeating their new mantra again and again. And for now, it was enough.

  _I love you. As you are._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy! Let me start by saying that I have never written smut before (addendum: since this piece, I have written a lot of it), so I hope I did all right. Most importantly, I want to express gratitude to all of you for sharing your own personal stories with me. This fic is inspired by my own experiences with self-doubt, and it is an experience I feel many can relate to. Your comments warm my heart. Thank you! And you are beautiful. As you are.
> 
> Art in the fic was drawn by the incomparable fire-is-her-water on Tumblr/AutopsyTurvy on AO3: http://fire-is-her-water.tumblr.com/post/130503791059/cullen-neb-for-the-amazing


End file.
